A Passover Seder Insight On Simultaneously Having Space for Joy and Sadness in Life

As part of my Passover preparation this year, I participated in a Passover-themed yoga session with a local synagogue. Part of the intentionality going into the session was about acknowledging the craziness in the world along with the reasons to celebrate. The rabbi first brought up Jewish weddings. Although it is one of the happiest celebrations in one's life, a Jewish wedding has a sad ritual at the beginning (the recitation of El Malei Rachamim) and ends with a brief, sad ritual: the breaking of the glass to mourn the loss of the Second Temple. Even on such a joyous occasion, there is space for sadness. 

As the rabbi brought up, the Passover seder is no different. Take a look at the blessing over the wine, the Kiddush. The Passover seder begins with a blessing over wine, a happy occasion. As a matter of fact, the Passover Seder is at least happy enough of an occasion to have four cups of wine. Yet there is a moment in which we are to spill some of our wine at Seder to, at least in part, represent a diminishment of joy. This is not the only time this theme comes up in the Passover ritual. 

• Look at the relationship with matzah throughout the Seder. Towards the beginning of the Seder, we break the middle matzah in a ritual known as yachatz. This ritual can have multiple spiritual meanings, whether it is grappling with poverty or dealing with one's brokenness. By the time we reach the Afikomen ritual towards the end, we find those pieces and bring them together, thereby representing a sense of redemption. 
• There is another matzah-related tension in the Seder. On the one hand, we are to hide matzah, which mimics the ancient practice of stashing food out of a scarcity mentality. In spite of that perceived (or actual) scarcity, we are still meant to share with others on Passover. 
• Another example is with the bitter herbs (Maror). Jewish tradition teaches us that consuming bitter herbs on Passover is one of the three mandatory aspects of the Seder so that we can taste the bitterness that the Israelites experienced in Egypt. What is optional is having the charoset, which is a sweet mix. What I brought up a while back regarding the maror and charoset is the bittersweet nature of life. Bitterness is an inevitability in life. Whether or not we bring sweetness into lives in spite of that inevitable bitterness is our freedom and our choice. 
• The Korech (the Hillel sandwich) reminds us that life is neither all good nor all bad. Much like the Hillel sandwich, life is generally a mixture of the bitter, the sweet, and the "tasteless," neutral, "meh" moments.
• The ritual of dipping vegetables in saltwater, known as karpas, also can have mixed meaning. Does it represent the tears of the Israelites? Does it represent the fact that personal growth happens through dark times? Is that rewards come through hard work? How mixed this ritual is depends on how the ritual is interpreted and how we respond to adversity.
• Singing the song Dayenu during the Seder brings up another paradox. This song acts as a springboard to ask us what is enough. Let's say that G-d freed the Israelites had them cross the Sea of Reeds, and then left them in the middle of the desert without manna, is that really enough? We were not in that moment. Part of it is that we sing the song looking back in history. "Hindsight is 20-20," as the saying goes. We need to realize the same in our own lives, as nerve-racking as uncertainty can be. Events often make more sense looking back. In the moment, anxiety about the future can take over, especially wondering if we can make it out of a rut or if we ask ourselves if our best days are behind us. What Dayenu does is encourages us to find the good in life, even during our tribulations or uncertainty about the future.

Life is never a walk in the park the entire time. Life often gives us lessons from the School of Hard Knocks. There are moments in which we have to learn how to carry both joy and sorrow at the same time. There are other times where a paradigm shift in perspective can minimize or even eliminate sadness. To be able to do this, we need to find ways to take the edge off the bitterness in life. We need to find ways to be more open to hold space for both sadness and joy. By learning how to embrace life in its totality is how we can truly be free.